I Called 9-1-1
By Nancy S., Washington
Al-Anon: The Forum: September, 2002
When I came home from work one Saturday, I found my husband very drunk and angry, so I became angry, too. As we argued, he came after me with a large kitchen knife. My own denial told me this wasn't really happening. It seemed like a movie. In the movie, I could be the hero who grabbed the knife away from the bad guy. In real life, when I tried to grab the knife I suffered a serious cut across the palm of my right hand.
Eventually I got away from him, grabbed a clean towel to wrap my hand, and drove myself to the emergency room. While waiting for medical treatment, I began to worry that my husband might kill himself with the knife -- so I called 9-1-1.
I spent a very long time in the waiting room before anone called my name. When I walked into the treatment room, it became obvious why it had taken so long. The police were waiting to take my statement after they had arrested my husband for fighting with them. They took pictures of my hand, my bloody T-shirt, and the small cut on my neck. I felt like trash. After they stitched up my hand, someone told me to go see my doctor on Monday.
My doctor told me my right hand might have some numbness around the scar, but it would still be usable. "But what are we going to do about you?" he asked. My automatic response was, "Oh, I'll be fine."
"No," he persisted, "what are you going to do about you?" He went on to explain that he was referring me to a counselor. I still tried to brush it off, but he insisted.
My counselor turned out to be an understanding woman, about my age, who had lots of experience and insight. Somehow I almost felt comfortable talking with her. After several sessions, though, she told me tat I didn't talk about myself. I only told her about my husband, his bad habits, his depression, his worries, his likes, and dislikes. Then she suggested that I go to Al-Anon.
I actually tried three Al-Anon meetings a few years before, but I stopped going when my husband promised to quit drinking. Of course his promise didn't last, and my methods for avoiding problems and denying that anything was wrong had grown stronger. I hadn't even considered returning to Al-Anon. I didn't want to go back to those meetings because I hated to admit defeat. Every time I saw her, my counselor kept asking me if I'd gone.
Finally, I went to an Al-Anon meeting just to make her stop! I felt scared, shy, and ashamed. The topic of the meeting was "Letting Go." I didn't think I could ever let go of anything, but the idea of it sounded wonderful. I noticed many of the people in the meeting had something I can only describe as serenity. I didn't think I could ever have that, but it looked wonderful. Every meeting I have attended since that day has brought me closer to knowing myself. I can talk about myself instead of my husband. I can love myself. Sometimes I cn even let go and feel serene.
My doctor and counselor wouldn't let me stay in my stubborn denial. I am forever grateful to them for doing that, and also to Al-Anon for helping me learn that real life can be wonderful!
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon
Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
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